Always
by Nagi
Summary: (Chapter 6 uploaded!!! COMPLETED) It's a special day for Yuki and Shuichi -- and Yuki's forced to confess his undying love for the boy when an unexpected even takes place. [Please R&R!!! PLEASE!]
1. Default Chapter

*My second Gravi fic... o.o; Er... Rawr... n.; I do NOT own Gravitation! Do not sue.*  
  
Always.  
  
"Ne, Yuki..." Shuichi shuffled his feet along the floor, seated upon the couch as he watched the blonde who was currently seated on the the opposite side of him... all the way at the other end of the piece of furniture. He blinked once and tilted his head as he got no response from the other. "Yuki..." He whimpered and crawled closer to the other, "Yu~~~~ki?"  
  
"What is it, Shuichi?" Yuki merely shot a quick glance at the pink-haired boy before returning his attention to the paper.  
  
Shuichi took this as a chance to sneak in for the kill; he snatched the paper away from the novelist and crawled ontop of him, straddling the older man; a leg on either side of the man. He wrapped his arms around Yuki's neck, "Daijoubu ka, Yuki...?"  
  
"Hn.." The blonde just stared the younger boy in the eyes and a slight shrug was given as he wrapped his own arms around the boys waist. Eh, he was feeling quite well today, which was remarkably obvious...  
  
The pink fluffer-nutter smiled and pulled Yuki into a short kiss, "I'm glad..." He paused, his glance falling to a little box in the writer's breast pocket. "Hm... what's that, Yuki?"  
  
"Just something, nothing to concern yourself with, ...Shuichi."  
  
The younger boy nodded and stole a quick kiss before he slid off his lover and headed for the door, "I've got work to do! But I'm taking off extra early, so expect me home..." And then the boy was gone, having slipped out of the apartment.  
  
Yuki smiled, Shuichi wasn't a pain in the ass all the damn time... and he actually enjoyed the boys company every once and a while. Slender digits brushed along his lips as he tried to savor that little kiss Shuichi had stolen from him. Those forementioned digits then fell to the little box in his breast pocket. He hesitated for a moment before he pulled it out and carefully opened it. A necklace and ring for Shuichi. He wondered if Shuichi remembered what today was, if he knew how much it actually meant to him.  
  
He hadn't expected Shuichi to stick with him for this long a time, it was outstanding that someone loved him as much as the pink haired singer did. The truth was, he was glad he had Shuichi. He'd probably never fully admit all that he felt for the teenager, how much he actually cared for and loved him.  
  
He didn't know how long he spent thinking about the boy, but it wasn't too long and he had been forced back into reality after hearing harsh crashing sounds and a high pitch scream. He dimissed it for a few seconds before registering the voice... and then all hell broke loose. He shot up off the couch in a panicked rush and almost broke the door while exiting his apartment, and the same for the main doors.  
  
He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw exactly what he hadn't wanted to; Shuichi in a crumpled up, lifeless heap in the middle of the road and a black car smashed into the side of a nearby building. He gasped, his mouth hanging agape as he hurried over to his lover. The sound had been ripped rather viciously from his words and all he could do was fall to his knees and cradle the boy. He choked back a waterfall of tears, slender digits tracing the boys jawline.  
  
"Yuki..." Shuichi managed to whisper through sharp intakes of air, violet hues void of all life. Sparkless. A trickle of crimson spilled from the corner of the boys lips and down his chin. The poor singer had been recked, in too much pain to fully comprehend the extent of his injuries. He was crying, those now dead eyes focusing on Yuki, he was starting to realize how horrible this whole situation was. But.. he supposed it wasn't so bad, to die in the arms of his lover. A faint smile crossed his lips as he watched Yuki give in and let the tears flow freely.  
  
He held the boy tighter, letting the box grasped in his left hand fall to the younger boys chest. He couldn't control his tears now, he felt as if the world was going to callapse onto him. Thrown into a nightmare world, his vision becoming foggy and blurred, emotions surfacing. He didn't know where half of them were coming from.. Maybe that little place in his heart that Shuichi had unlocked. He was choking back as many tears as he could, praying to the gods that a paramedic would come running up to him and save his lovers life. Anything to save the one think he cared about most.  
  
Small hands reached for the little box and Shuichi put all his might into opening it. Little fingers pried the necklace out of it's place, his attention fixated on the ring through which the chain was strung. He pulled it closer to his face, scanning it over. He could just make out the words 'I love you' engraved into the metal.  
  
"I..." more quick intakes of air, he could feel his life slipping from him. It wouldn't be long now. "...I love you too, Yuki." A hand motioned to his pocket and Yuki nodded, slipping a smooth hand into the opening only to retreat, a small box clenched in his fist.  
  
"Happy anniversary, Yuki..." The little pink haired boy said as he watched Yuki open the little box. They had unconscioulsy bought eachother the same thing, only Shuichi had his named carved on the inside of the ring. A minor difference, but it meant all the more to the heart broken Yuki who couldn't help but break down into an even larger fit of tears as he pulled the aching boy into a little kiss.  
  
That was all Shuichi wanted -- it was all he needed in order to give up what he had to ultimately throw away in the end. That one simple kiss that was filled with more love than any he had every recieved before. He took another breath before letting it slip out for the last time, he let go of all life.  
  
"I'll always love you, Shuichi." Yuki sobbed as he felt his lover's chest rise and fall for the last time before throwing his head back, a horribly depressing cry escaping the man's soul. He tightened his grip on the boy as he doubled over him.  
  
"...I'll always love you."  
  
~Owari~  
  
Please comment! Tell me if you liked it and stuff. ^-^ I worked hard on it... Sorry it's depressing, I'll make a happy one later.. or maybe another chapter to this? It all depends on what you guys want! 


	2. Surreal Reality

*You guys are lucky...I wasn't going to write a second chapter.. but I felt so horrible about just leaving it at that and I was bored so...You know. Basic things apply, I don't own Gravitation though I really wish I did. Anywho, enjoy!*  
  
Always - Chapter 2 - Surreal Reality.  
  
"We have breaking news: Shuichi Shindo, the singer of the band Bad Luck, has been involved in an accident and rushed to the hospital in critical condition. The hospital name and further information has not been released. We will keep you up-to-date with this subject."  
  
Hiro dropped the remote, mouth falling agape as he watched the television screen. Those evergreen hues wide in shock as he repeated the words that the news lady had ever-so-blandly said, replaying it in his head before he was able to comprehend the full extent of what he had heard. And then he ran out of the door, slamming it shut behind him before heading in the direction of his motorcycle.  
  
It seemed like hours before he got anywhere near Yuki's place and what he saw was his worst nightmare. Police everywhere, interviewing whitnesses and clearing up the various debris. Hiro parked off to the side and hopped off the bike, evergreen hues searching simlessly for anything related to Shuichi. He found something -- Yuki. Twin brows furrowing, he marched up to the man who was currently being bombarded with questions and grabbed him by his shirt collar, tears already in his eyes.  
  
"I-I-I TOLD you to take care of him. I TOLD you not to do anything that would result in him being hurt!!" He choked back a few more tears and let the man go for a second, he didn't even give Yuki a chance to reply before he sent a fist across his right cheek.  
  
Yuki's head was forced to turn viciously to the side as that fist met his cheek but he didn't retaliate. He wouldn't force himself to that low a level. Thin brows furrowing, slender digits curled up and into the palm to form fist. "I wasn't... expecting him to be that careless..."  
  
Hiro just growled, "You're his lover! You're supposed to watch over him! This wouldn't have happened if he would have stayed away from you! You would have had your precious solitude and I would have had my Shuichi!"  
  
"Don't pull that shit on me! Do you have any idea how horrible this is for me?!"  
  
"Do YOU have any idea how horrible this is for someone who actually LOVES him?!"  
  
Yuki tensed up at that. He loved Shuichi a lot more than he'd like to admit even though - more likely than not - he treated him like dirt. He choked back a few of his own tears but it was done in dismay, they came anyway and Hiro could just make out a twinkle from one running down the blonde's cheek. "I love him. I would... give my world for him."  
  
"Yuki..." Hiro sighed and took a step forward to wrap his arms around the older man. "..I'm sorry." Whispering his apology as the older man cried, they both sank to their knees in the middle of the road -- the dismissed reporter taking her chance to direct her camera-man to catch the senario on tape. She was growing rather pleased with herself. The media would have a huge story.  
  
*Yes, it's short. Deal. The next chapter will be somewhat longer and a little more exciting... or something. Yeah. So deal with this, besides, I'm a little braindead at the moment. ^-^ Please comment, though.* 


	3. Silent Cries

*Chapter three... okay, I hope you're all enjoying this... I'll try to make this chapter longer than the last... and maybe more descriptive - it depends on my current mood and how my mood changes. o.O; Um... yeah. Beware of heartbroken Yuki.*  
  
Always - Chapter 3 - Silent Cries  
  
Hiro stood in the hallway of the hospital... jus outside room 239 on the second floor. His back against the wall, he played with his hair as he awaited the finishing of the meeting between Yuki and Shuichi. He would be next in the room and the only reason why he wasn't in there now was because he believed Yuki needed to be alone with the singer.  
  
It was hard... swallowing the truth - admitting that his best friend was near dead and hanging onto his life by a thin wire that seemed to bend and start to wither away at any given moment. He was glad that the paramedics were able to bring Shuichi back... but there was a part of him that thought Shuichi would have been better off left alone. Dead and void of all the pain he was most likely in now.  
  
. . . . . .  
  
The pink-haired boy had been thrown into a coma just after having the life jolted back into him. He couldn't move or speak... all he could do was hear and feel. No one knew what it was like to be in this position - to be able to feel the touch of others but to be denied the privilage of returning those touches. Shuichi had wanted to cry and scream about the pain he was in. He wanted to scream the name of his lover. But he couldn't. He couldn't do any of that.  
  
All he could see was endless blackness accompanied by the little bouts of sparkles and odd shapes that led him down spinning spirals of squares and rectangles and into yet more blackness. He heard the faint sounds of footsteps on the hard tiled floor.. and he could smell the sweet fragrance that lingered around the love of his life. Only he smelled it, though, and only he knew how much it could change his surroundings - how much it brightened his day. Yuki was here.  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Yuki stopped beside the bed, golden hues fixated on the drug-induced Shuichi. It was making him sick - the thought of all the pain-killers the doctors had given the boy... and the blood transfusions. Oh, god, how he wished he could have donated his blood. He would give anything to see Shuichi smile again, to hear him laugh and call his name. He'd give his life for it...  
  
Taking one of the boys abnormally pale hands in one of his own, he sighed and immediately began to choke back tears again. Shuichi was so cold - he felt like ice... he looked so sickly, so helpless... so... dead. He sneered, wrinkling his nose in anger as he turned his head away. "I should have kept you longer... I shouldn't have let you go. I'm so sorry, Shuichi. I didn't want anything like this to happen.. you have no idea how horrible this is for me." He paused and hung his head, "I should have been there for you..."  
  
Yuki was blaming himself for this whole mess, for the pain Shuichi was in. His free hand carressed the boys cheek as his glance fell once more upon the bruised body of his lover. "I can't... deal with this, Shuichi. It hurts... It hurts so much. Too much." He was doing all he could to keep from crying. He wouldn't sink to so low a level again... like on the street with Hiro just days before. He didn't want to break down into a fit of tears and be reduced to no more than a weeping pile of flesh and bones.  
  
It was bad enough Shuichi was in this mess and that he was blaming himself for it... but he was getting nightmares... and hot and cold flashes. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't write... He had only left his apartment to come here and visit the boy. ...Sometimes he couldn't even get himself out of bed. He couldn't deal with this. He couldn't stop everything in his life and put it on hold just because of Shuichi. He wanted to, he wanted to be here as much as he could for the youngster... but he couldn't.  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Shuichi was heartbroken, he knew what those words meant. Yuki was going to leave him... but he couldn't. No, Yuki couldn't leave him when he needed him this much. The writer was the only reason why he was fighting for his life - why he was trying so hard to stay here. '...No, Yuki...' he thought, now fully understanding the hate he had for himself for being in this mess. '...You can't...'  
  
He tried to open his mouth, he tried to say something, anything... but it wasn't working. Nothing worked anymore. His thoughts were on an endless rollercoaster downhill, he could think of nothing but Yuki and being alone. He didn't want to spend this time alone - he needed Yuki to be with him! He needed him to hold his hand and tell him how much he loved him, he needed the semi-harsh words and the demands that he not give up on life.  
  
All seemed lost as Yuki let his hand go.. and as the soft carresses started to melt away into nothingness. He was screaming inside, wanting to grab ahold of Yuki's sleeve and hold him there until he was better... until he could make Yuki happy again. He knew he was the reason why Yuki was upset. He was upset because he had gotten in an accident - that he was in a coma...  
  
A single tear managed to escape the boy and streak down his cheek to collide with the lingering thumb of the older man just before the touch of the hand had gone completely. He wanted to die right now, he wanted to leave this world. There was no point in life without Yuki.  
  
. . . . . .  
  
The blonde blinked, turning on his heel before glancing behind him to look once more at Shuichi. He raised his hand and stared blankly at the salty liquid on his thumb. Turning to face Shuichi again, he managed to spot the dried trail left behind from the tear. Yes, he knew Shuichi heard everything... and he expected the boy to be upset... but he couldn't do this anymore.  
  
Shaking his head, he shuffled over to the bed again and cupped the side of the boys face in his hand, a thumb wiping yet another stray tear from the boys motionless body. "I'm sorry, Shuichi." ..And he turned and left, shutting the door quietly behind him before passing Hiroshi just out in the hall.  
  
He was convinced this was the only thing to do... and he just ignored the red-head's questions as he awaited the arrival of the elevator. He couldn't talk to the boy about what happened in the room. He would come to understand - especially when Shuichi woke up. If he was ever going to. He was certain the boy would spill everything.. he wouldn't leave a single detail out of the story. Hiro would know.. all in good time.  
  
And as he left, pushing the main doors open and stepping out onto the pavement, he could have sworn he heard Shuichi calling his name and, for once, he wasn't afraid to fall to his knees and sob infront of everybody. He wasn't afraid of anything that would come because of it. This was more than crying now - it was more than the muffled sobs he shared with Hiro the day of the accident. This was an outpouring of all of his emotions at once - not just sadness or anger. This was everything.  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
*...Ah. So nice. I hope you enjoyed it. =D Please comment on it, I beg of you. ^-^ I worked hard on this chapter... obviously. Um... the next chapter will be on it's way and may possibly be posted soon because of Thanksgiving break. ^-^;;;* 


	4. Uncertain Future

*...Wow. I'm on a roll. Kind of. ...hah. I'm just a -little- pissed that FF.net decided to take all the NC-17 fics down. There goes one of my most favorite Weiss Kruez fics - Bishounen. Lucky for me, I copied the story and saved it so I could read it. That fic is gorgeous, it's simply wonderful. Er...back onto the subject of the fourth chapter. o.O; Um... I hope you like it... Yeah. ^-^;*  
  
Always - Chapter 4 - Uncertain Future  
  
But as much as Yuki would like to believe that Shuichi was actually calling his name.. he was dead wrong. He knew it, too. There was no denying the truth - Shuichi was in a coma... and the doctors had said the chances of him getting out of it were slim to none.  
  
He finally mustered up the strength to pry his sobbing self from the pavement just outside of the hospital and work his way to his car. He fumbled around with the keys after he threw himself into the drivers side seat, but he couldn't find the right one through his blurred vision. He eventually gave up and dropped the keys into his lap as he leaned forward, his forehead colliding rather harshly with the steering wheel.  
  
"I can't do this."  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Hiro sighed, shaking his head in disappointment as he took his turn visiting Shuichi. He shuffled over to the bed and sat beside the quickly thinning boy. ...It was funny how much weight Shuichi lost - how much colour left his skin... how lifeless he looked. Slender digits brushed pink filaments from the boys pale face, "Shuichi... I don't know... what Yuki did... why he strode out of here so fast... but I hope it wasn't too bad. He loves you, I know he does... this... just must be hard for him, that's all. Besides... I'll always be here for you."  
  
.. He paused, frowning as he leaned in to place a kiss on the boys chapped lips before pulling himself back up, "I know I can't replace the one you love... but I'll always be there for you. I don't care if it's a one-sided love... as long as you're happy then I'm happy. I'd walk to the ends of the earth and back just to see you smile and I wont let this ruin any of that. I'm not going to leave you... I'm going to be here when you wake up. I promise."  
  
Hiroshi thought it funny the way that Shuichi ignored the fact that he knew how much he loved him. He either ignored it or he didn't comprehend it. They had grown up together - they were the best friends in the world... it was almost inevitable that Hiro would find himself in love with Shuichi. He was lucky, however, and though he was jealous of the boys relationship with Yuki, he never tried to break them up.  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Shuichi wanted to hug Hiro, he wanted to wrap his arms around him and pull him into an embrace that rivaled that of all the others. He wanted to thank him and tell him how grateful he was that he had a friend like Hiro. '... I know, I know... God, you have no idea...' He would have jumped, if he could, when he felt the other's lips brush against his. He would have blushed and shied away...  
  
He was growing rather upset again at not being able to do anything besides lie there like an overgrown doll of some sort. It was working on his nerves. ...Thoughts of death lingering in his head. He had caught a short glimpse of the world after... however brief, it was rather gorgeous. Bright lights and pastels... Maybe it was just what he wanted to see.  
  
Endless black. That's all he had now. And pain, god... the pain was almost too much to bear at times but the medicine they gave him worked rather well. The only pain it didn't numb was the pain in his heart... he couldn't bare everything happening. Yuki had left him and Hiro was admitting much more than he should have been. This all made Shuichi's thoughts clash with one another... his head felt like goo.  
  
But he could feel it - he could feel his life start to slip away before slowly coming back. He could feel the way his heart began to slow down and he could hear his breathing become raspy and drawn out. It was tearing him apart inside - he hated to think that his life depended on the medicine and the blood transfusions and everything - ... no. It didn't depened on that. It depended on him.  
  
It depended on his will to go on - it depended on Hiroshi's love and friendship. ...It depended on the one who had abandoned him. The arrogant writer who shut most feelings away in a little corner in his heart and shared them only when he saw the need to. Shuichi was pathetic. He couldn't believe how much he relied on other people for his happiness... and how much people most often overlooked loved him unconditionally.  
  
But he didn't know where this was going to take him - how his relationships with people would change. What would become of he and Yuki? He just didn't know. Had his fans deserted him...? Would his music carreer be shot down as soon as he got out of the hospital...? Would... would he die in this bed with his best friend beside him instead of his lover?  
  
No. Shuichi had to face it - Yuki wasn't going to be around anymore. So what now? Just live each day by the moment. He wouldn't worry about Yuki until this was all over - he couldn't deal with it. It was heartbreaking.  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Hiro smiled, slender digits now tracing the boys jawline, "I know how much you love him, Shuichi. ...But some people love you more than he ever could. He's so cold and distant.. but he... he does love you. You're so innocent... but I'm so proud of you. Never let him go - even if he wants you to... because you said you wouldn't and I expect you to live up to that." After placing a kiss on the boys cheek, he got to his feet and headed out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind him as he entered the hall.  
  
*...Two chapters in one day. o.O; Yayness. Alright... well, I like these two chapters... ^-^ 3 and 4.. they're so cool. Well, I'll try my best to get another two or so chapters up by the end of Thanksgiving break... Please comment. o.o;* 


	5. Heartache

*...I've got a horrible cold. You are all lucky I worked on this. By the way, I do enjoy all of your comments - they make this fic seem all the more worthwhile. I hope you continue to enjoy this fic... it's almost done.. just a few more chapters to write and then... it'll be the end. ^-^*  
  
Always - Chapter 5 - Heartache  
  
It had been almost a week now since Yuki had left him... and his heath wasn't getting much better. Hiroshi had come to visit him everyday - and he was usually accompanied by a fresh bouquet of flowers. Shuichi could tell because the room would all of a sudden be filled with the sweet fragrance of the various blossoms. It had failed to brighten his spirits and he felt Hiro knew that...  
  
His heart was failing him - and this he had come to know by overhearing conversations between the nurses and the doctors that chose to be unconcerned about the fact that Shuichi could still hear them. They hadn't expected him to last this long, they hadn't expected him to work overtime to keep himself hanging on by that thin wire he knew was starting to disintigrate.  
  
He could feel it in his bones... how weak he had become, how utterly disasterous he felt. The overwhelming and constant feeling of helplessness was hovering over him... it was getting harder for him to keep a steady heartbeat.  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Hiroshi sighed, shaking his head in dismay as he took the hands of the boy in his own. "...I'm proud of you, Shuichi, you've held on for this long. You... you're lucky, okay? You've got such a strong will..." He faked a chuckle, "You've got so many get-well cards from your fans... and one from Suguru, too. He is worried about you... Ryuichi misses you... and he said he's sorry for not being able to visit you... He's been trying to get away but... you know how popular Nittle Grasper is... So... I did you a favour..." He paused... and Shuichi could soon hear uncertain footsteps.  
  
"Shu~ichi!" That familiar voice rang through the room, "You have to get better, na no da!" But the cheer in Ryuichi's voice slowly faded into sadness and the boy sighed. "...Shuichi." Ryuichi sniffled and broke out into a fit of tears before he spun around and darted out of the room. He couldn't stand to see one of his best friends like that... he couldn't stand not being able to hug him and cling and giggle happily in boyish glee.  
  
Hiro gasped, watching the older man flee... but he knew he couldn't do anything about it. Ryuichi was, well, Ryuichi... and he had his reasons for doing what he did. "I know..." he whispered, "...it was hard for me, too." He turned back to Shuichi, giving a slight rub to the boys ice cold hands. "...And it still is." His head then tilted and turned at the sudden sound of footsteps. Had Ryuichi come back?  
  
His mouth fell agape as he realised who it was and he immediately let the boys hands go and took a few steps to the side. Evergreen hues cast their gaze to the floor as he slipped into an empty chair and crossed his legs. He wouldn't say a word... but he wouldn't leave the room, either.  
  
Yuki stood silently at the door for a few minutes, catching his breath before he almost doubled over. Hiroshi knew what had happened - Yuki had gotten the news that everyone dreaded... Sighing, the blonde finally started to make his way over to the bed...  
  
But it was too late... the steady beeping that they had grown accustomed to hearing in the room had suddenly fell into an undying, drawn out scream. Described as a scream only because it sent Hiroshi to his feet and stumbling to the end of the bed and caused Yuki to stop dead in his tracks for a few seconds before he comprehended what had happened - and then he ran.. he ran to the side of the bed.  
  
"Shuichi!" The blonde placed both hands on the boys shoulders and shook him as hard as he could, "SHUICHI!!" Screaming now, he felt the arms of the red- head wrap around his waist from behind and pull him back. "...Iie..."  
  
"Yuki..." Hiroshi mumbled through muffled sobs, "...Yuki, I'm sorry... There's... there's nothing we can do..." He tried to restrain Yuki - to keep him from kicking and screaming...  
  
"He can't..."  
  
"Ah, sumimasen!" A nurse hurried into the room and shooed the two out into the hall as doctors came in to fix the situation, "You must go now!" She then proceeded to shut the door, only to have Yuki shove his hands in the way. She blinked once and then shot him a confusing look.  
  
"Demo... Shuichi..."  
  
"...We'll do what we can." and then the door was shut as the man backed off.  
  
Hiroshi took a seat in a chair in the lobby, Yuki sitting before him with his forehead resting against the red-head's knees. Slender digits played calmly with the golden hair around them as he tried to keep the writer calm. "Daijoubu, Yuki... he wont give up that easily..."  
  
"I already lost him once, and it hurt like hell... and I can't loose him again. Not like this..."  
  
*...Ugh... that is done. Another short chapter but I honestly could not think of anything at all for this. u.u Hopefully the next chapter will be better... sorry for holding this off so long only to have it be rather short and... well, not all that exciting except for a psycho Yuki. o.O;* 


	6. My Dreams

*Ah! I'm so sorry I neglected this fic! It's been so long. X_x I'm so sorry, I got hooked on Fruits Basket for a while… but I'm working on this now! Hopefully this will be the last chapter! I'm not sure, yet… I write these chapters on a whim so it all depends on how the end of this chapter turns out. ^_^; Please bare with me! I'm so sorry to everyone who reads this fic and was hoping for an update sooner! My poor fic. ;-; I still don't own Gravitation - so don't sue me! Oh and beware, this is a short chapter.. Er, come to think of it.. They're all pretty short, aren't they?*  
  
Always - Chapter 6 - My Dreams…  
  
"Why are they taking so long?!" Yuki asked, worried about the boy that had been rushed to the emergency room. Golden eyes half-lidded as he leaned against the wall, he slowly began to slip down to the floor as he covered his face with his hands, crystal-clear tears streaming rather freely from those eyes of his as he tried to assure himself that he'd be fine.  
  
Hiroshi glanced at the clock, worried eyes focusing on the arms of the round object, past the reflection of himself in the glass case. 12:30am. …They'd been waiting for information regarding Shuichi for six hours now and so far all attempts to get them out of the hospital had been futile -- Yuki refused to leave… and Hiro was bent on staying by his side. Hiroshi was thinking… that maybe it was time to go home. "Yuki…" he started, averting his gaze to the man as he motioned for him to get up. But…even so, it was hard to keep himself from breaking down the way Yuki was. "…It's time to go home."  
  
Yuki staggered to his feet, hands falling as his arms came to rest at his sides. Golden eyes fell shut as he slid towards the exit, Hiroshi following closely behind as he pushed through the double doors and stepped… for what seemed like the first time in his life… into a world that offered to rid himself of the pain of what he'd been through. And so he came to a dead stop, hanging his head as he cast his gaze to the ground before taking sudden interest in the necklace that hung about his neck.  
  
Hiroshi stopped beside him, evergreen hues sparkling with the slight burden of tears as he placed a reassuring hand on the older mans shoulder. "Daijoubu… we all… knew this was going to happen… sooner or later, Yuki… At least he's not suffering…" He was taking this extremely well for someone who'd just technically lost his best friend… He seemed to be, anyway… deep inside his heart had smashed into billions of tiny pieces and set aflame.  
  
"I can't… do this, Hiroshi… without him… I can't…"  
  
"…I'll help you… He wouldn't want you upset, Yuki. He loved you more than anyone else, he wouldn't want you like this…"  
  
"But I can't. Without him… I can't…"  
  
. . . . .  
  
Weeks had passed… since that day… and Yuki had barely gotten any sleep and he had barely eaten enough to get by. Plagued each night with dreams of his past lover, only to wake up… hoping to find the boy in his arms and see instead nothing. …Nothing but the boys scent. And he'd come to know Shuichi as the lover in his dreams, the one that made him forget the things of the past. The lover that haunted his fantasies but strayed from anything more.. Deserting him in the mornings only to join him once again as he closed his eyes.  
  
  
  
"He hasn't even written anything since that day… don't you think it's time he's moved on?"  
  
"He was too attached to that boy… He shouldn't have gotten involved with him."  
  
"He should just forget about him… I hear the boy's best friend is trying to help him get through this."  
  
"Yes, but it's been months now… I've heard they're doing a little more than crying on each other's shoulders!"  
  
"They wouldn't!"  
  
"I bet they would! You know how many lovers that Eiri man had even when he was with that boy! And that Nakano… he's the type to do something like that. Besides, there's no Bad Luck anymore… Unless they find a new vocalist… Why shouldn't the two play around?"  
  
  
  
He'd pretended to ignore the rumors floating about the cities… everywhere he went, everywhere he dared to show his face… there were rumors. And those eyes that had only once been deadly had become murderous as they shimmered in the sunlight or the lights from the streetlamps, reflecting the hate he had for everyone around him. Everyone talking about him… and his Shuichi.  
  
Hiroshi, who hadn't left his side for the first few weeks after Shuichi's death had slowly decided to back away, not wanting to witness the worst of Yuki's attitudes. But Yuki had enjoyed his company, the both of them had been able to help with the wounds in their hearts made by the passing of the bubble-gum pink haired youth. The both of them had grown close, even Tohma hadn't been able to pry them apart for a month or so. Of course, their relationship had gotten any stronger than one of brothers, despite what others may have thought.  
  
Shuffling down the street, he shoved both hands in his pant pockets as he pushed through the bustling crowds. Why the hell were there so many people out now anyway? It was late… He didn't even know why he was out… Just to pass the time, perhaps. Or maybe just to wander around in hopes to find something he'd lost… though he couldn't remember anymore what it was.  
  
Golden eyes downcast, he finally passed the crowd and slipped silently into the building, slowly making his way over to the elevator before a single digit was placed on one of the various buttons. A sigh escaped partially parted tiers as he ran the fingers of his right hand through his hair before he entered the small room as the door opened… only to wait rather impatiently for it to close. Why was it that when he wanted to go to bed that everything took longer? …He could already smell Shuichi.. He could already see him when he closed his eyes.  
  
Leaning against the hard wall, his hand found it's way back to it's pocket before he exited the elevator, looking behind his shoulder once as if expecting to see something no one else saw. As if to hear something no one else could hear. Shuichi's laughter engulfed the elevator and the replay of their first kiss… The way the boy looked at him with those gorgeous violet eyes, the way he spoke… the way he smelled…  
  
Yuki couldn't take it anymore. Sneering, he shuffled over to the door of his apartment, resting his forehead against the surface of his door as he fumbled with the door knob… A slight turn and push and the door was opened… Hadn't he locked it? Shrugging the thought off, having not wanting to think of such things, he slipped into his apartment.  
  
"Ore no shigusa manete waratta kimi no koe mo omoi dasu… kimi to aruku yoru no shiin wa orenji iro fotogurafu…"  
  
Yuki blinked, raising a brow at the sound of the familiar voice that ran throughout his apartment, golden eyes going wide as he slowly began to remember the song… Why was it playing? He didn't turn it on… and he hadn't been able to listen to Shuichi sing since… that day…  
  
"Kage ni otoshita uso to… ore no wagamama o yurushita… kimi no namida ga ima demo…"  
  
Why was it playing…? Yuki stood dumbfounded as he pushed the door shut, memories of the boy flooding his mind as he listened, unable to move the slightest bit.  
  
"Nani mo iwazuni toki wa nagereru… yagate kuru asa no hisashi ni tokeru youni sora ni kieru saigo no yoru wa doko ni mo nakute… Okizari no ore no kokoro o tsuki dake ga ima mo miteru…"  
  
'…Why? …Is this some cheap trick? …I can't… even…'  
  
"…Kimi ni aitai yukitai ikareteru bureikii wa tomaranai mou dare ga tometemo… Jyoushiki no fensu ni buchi ataru tabi ni tsuyokunaru kara… kabe o nori koete kasoku suru…"  
  
That wasn't right… that didn't belong in that song… that was from another… It finally struck him -- there was no music… just the words. The steady flow of the voice of his lover… singing… No music. Just words. He took a few steps forward, j-curving to shuffle over to his CD player… It wasn't on… and the singing had dissolved into a soft hum… It wasn't… a CD…  
  
Golden eyes shot wide open as he broke into a run, barely missing walls as he headed for his room only to throw the door open after a quick turn to the knob was given. He stepped in to the room, gaze cast to the floor as slender digits wrapped about the necklace he wore. "...This is silly… Things like this just don't happen… People don't come back from the dead…"  
  
"…Yuki…"  
  
His gaze rose, scanning slowly over the area before rising to meet wide violet eyes. His jaw dropped, arms falling limp at his sides as he stared at the boy… the boy he'd lost… His Shuichi…  
  
"…I can't stop lovin' you."  
  
He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as he stared in disbelief, golden eyes as wide as they could get without looking overly ridiculous. He took a cautious step …followed by another and another until he'd slowly made his way over to the boy, a hand raising to place itself on Shuichi's cheek before slender digits traced the boys features. "…Sh-Shuichi…"  
  
"I'm home." Small hands rose, the pads of thumbs carefully brushing the tears away from the golden eyes that belonged to his lover before he found himself pulled into a hug and he was forced to wrap his arms around the neck of Yuki as he buried his face in the older mans chest.  
  
"God, I love you so much, Shuichi… You have no idea…"  
  
The silhouetted figure of the two stood outlined by the light of the moon that filtered in through the partially shaded window before collapsing on to the bed …And for the first time in the past few months Yuki woke to find the ghost from his dreams asleep in his arms and for once… he decided he wouldn't allow himself to take his happiness for granted. He wouldn't loose him again… he wanted Shuichi with him. He needed Shuichi with him.  
  
Slender digits brushed pink filaments from the younger boys sleeping face as he watched him, his gaze straying every now and then from Shuichi's face to the necklace the boy wore around his neck. "..Always, Shuichi… until the end of time… Until the stars stop burning, until the waters stop flowing… until everything ceases to live… I'll love you…"  
  
~Owari~  
  
*For REAL, this time. ^_^ This fic is COMPLETED. Thank all of you guys who read this! I love you all and thanks to the reviewers. ^_^ I appreciated all of your comments! Translations for both In the Moonlight and Break Through (I used parts of those songs for this fic, incase you didn't know) can be found on animelyrics.com. ^_^; I'll post the translations for the parts of the songs I used…*  
  
In the Moonlight  
  
My behavior made a mimicry of laughter, even when I remember your voice. The scene of the night when we walked around together is now an orange-colored photograph.  
  
You forgave the lies that fell from the darkness and my selfishness, but your tears, even now…  
  
Without saying a word, time flows on; the sky is extinguished by the light of the morning that's coming soon, like it melts away. On that last night, no matter where it is, only the moon looks at my deserted heart even now.  
  
Break Through  
  
I want to go falling in love with you; even a furious break wont stop this, no matter who tries to stop me now. Since it gets stronger every time I hit and am hit by the borders of common sense, I'll climb over the wall and speed up…  
  
I can't stop lovin' you. 


	7. Afterwords Author related

Due to, er, reoccuring questions, I figured I clear a few things up...  
  
Q: Is that Shuichi's ghost or what?  
  
A: It's up for the reader to decide -- that's the way it was supposed to be. You pick the ending, either Yuki's gone delusional and is seeing things, Shuichi's ghost has decided to pay him a visit, or Shuichi's woken up from his coma and has returned home to his depressed lover. Whichever you decide.  
  
Q: Will there be a sequal?  
  
A: Quite possibly. I feel the fic is somewhat empty with the ending like that -- I was thinking about writing a sequal that went into the reactions of Shuichi's fellow bandmates, Ryuichi, and how this whole event changes his life so much. If that's what the fans of this fic want, then I'll be more than glad to write a sequal -- especially because this is my favorite fic.  
  
Author's note:  
  
I'm so glad all you guys loved this fic. ^_^ I spent a lot of time on it in order to make it good. I hope you'll love the sequal as much as you loved this. Much love. 


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